How to Be More Confident in Life and Athletics
- Nick Carita
- Feb 28, 2024
- 10 min read
Do you desire more confidence in your life? Here are three ways you can act confidently every day!
INTRO
I was talking with a collegiate athlete, and I asked him one of my most FAVORITE questions to ask someone.
“If there was one thing that we could fix that could help you take your game to another level, what would that be?”
His answer was a common one among athletes… confidence.
And, really, when you look at the larger picture, even non-athletes struggle with the same issue.
When you’re in the throes of competition, be it in sport or life, it’s VERY easy for your confidence to disappear.
For an athlete:
You may have been dominating your game, but one play went wrong, and now you can’t even execute the basic fundamentals that your sport demands.
The shots you were nailing no longer land where you want them to.
You may have trusted your fastball, but locating it has become harder.
You may have been dominating at the three-point stripe when, all of a sudden, you can’t hit a shot to save your life.
For an individual:
You may have been very disciplined with your money, but then an unexpected bill hits, and it derails your progress.
Your relationship may have been smooth sailing for a long time, then one argument turns into an ordeal that takes a toll.
Work may have been going well, and you were on your way to a promotion, but one project goes wrong, and you lose confidence in your abilities. (I’ve been there too!)
What I told this athlete, and I’m telling you, is one of the biggest pieces of advice that will help you have confidence.
CONFIDENCE IS A CHOICE, NOT A FEELING.
Think about it --- if you wait to FEEL confident, how often would you actually BE confident? Probably not that often. But, when you put on confidence like you put on a jacket, everything can change in an instant.
AWARENESS IS KEY
If you aren’t aware that an issue exists, then how you can you fix it? That’s why having a present moment focus is SO important.
“IF YOU CAN’T CONTROL YOURSELF, YOU CAN’T CONTROL YOUR PERFORMANCE” – Dr. Ken Ravizza
If you aren’t locked into the present moment, you won’t know when your mindset is heading a bad direction. If you’re not aware that your mind is heading the wrong direction, you could fall off the rails. If you fall off the rails, your performance will suffer. That’s why knowing your SIGNAL LIGHTS are so important.
WHAT ARE SIGNAL LIGHTS
Think of your awareness in terms of a stop light.
GREEN LIGHT: When you’re in green light, you’re in a good place. You’re not too calm and not too hyped. You’re in control of your body and mind. You can think of this of being in flow state.
YELLOW LIGHT: This is when you know that you’re no longer in a green light frame of mind. You’re starting to lose control of your mindset. You may start to experience a bit of tension in your body. Maybe a call by the umpire/officiating crew didn’t go your way, and you can’t stop thinking about it. A yellow light means you’re heading in a direction where you may lose control, but you’re not quite there yet.
RED LIGHT: You’ve lost control. Your temper has gotten the best of you and you’re frustrated beyond belief. You may be yelling, angry, stomping your feet, etc. You are talking to yourself in a very negative way. In a red light frame of mind, you’re no longer in control of your performance because, as we talked about earlier, if you aren’t in control of yourself, you can’t control your performance.
Being aware of your emotions in the present moment will help you see where your mindset is and if you’ll be able to perform at your best.
HOW DO I KNOW WHAT MY SIGNAL LIGHTS ARE?
Before you can be aware of your signal lights are, we have to be aware of how you act and think during your best and worst performances.
DOWNLOAD THIS SHEET SO YOU CAN TRACK YOUR ANSWERS
In order to know what your signal lights are, you need to know what situations lead you into those mindsets, what your body language is in each of those mindsets, what you physically feel when you’re experiencing them, and what you’re saying to yourself.
For example, use this framework (or download this sheet to keep them with you at all times).
WHEN YOU’RE IN A GREEN LIGHT MINDSET:
What types of situations can lead you into this mode?
What’s your body language like?
What are you feeling in your body?
What are you saying to yourself?
WHEN YOU’RE IN A YELLOW LIGHT MINDSET:
What types of situations can lead you into this mode?
What’s your body language like?
What are you feeling in your body?
What are you saying to yourself?
WHEN YOU’RE IN A RED LIGHT MINDSET:
What types of situations can lead you into this mode?
What’s your body language like?
What are you feeling in your body?
What are you saying to yourself?
Know this: You WON’T be in a green light mindset all the time!
10% of the time, you’ll be in your green light.
80% of the time, you’ll be in your yellow light.
10% of the time, you’ll be in your red light.
What’s most important here is to quickly realize when you’re in a yellow light mode and being able to change to a green light mindset as fast as possible.
Now that you’ve identified what your green/yellow/red lights are, you’ll start to be aware of when you’re heading into a bad mindset.
HOW DO I GET FROM A YELLOW OR RED LIGHT TO A GREEN LIGHT?
One of the keys to high-performance is knowing where your mindset is and being able to change it into a green light as quickly as possible.
How?
STEP ONE: AWARENESS
By paying attention to what you outlined above as to your body language, focus, and self-talk in each of the lights, you’ve taken the first step towards changing your mindset.
STEP TWO: RELEASE
Once you’re aware of where your signal light is, and you find yourself in a yellow or green light, you need a release routine.
A release routine is something that you do PHYSICALLY that helps you to let go of what is holding you in a yellow or red pattern. It acts as a verbal cue to tell you to flush whatever brought you into your yellow/red light down the toilet.
FOR INDIVIDUALS:
Let’s say you’re at work and you miss a deadline. Your boss is angry. You get yelled at, and you’re instantly brought into a yellow or red light mindset.
Your release routine could be three pats on your legs.
You could clap your hands two or three times.
You could make a wiping motion on your leg as if you’re “wiping off” the bad situation.
Whatever your physical cue is, it’s to tell yourself, “I’m flushing away -INSERT SITUATION-"
For instance, in the above situation, “I’m flushing away how my boss treated me.”
FOR ATHLETES:
For a baseball hitter that experiences a bad call by the umpire, they could step out, take their helmet off while saying, “I’m taking the last pitch out of my mind”.
For a soccer player who missed an open goal, as they run back to position themselves for the goalie kick, they could wipe their shoulders with their hands as they tell themselves, “I’m brushing the missed goal”.
For a tennis player who double-faults, they could adjust their hat or headband like the baseball player in our first example and say, “I’m flushing the double-fault.”
Whatever you do, step two is all about RELEASING the last situation and getting ready to focus in on the next one.
STEP 3: BREATHE AND FOCUS
Now that you’ve flushed the last play, TAKE A DEEP MEANINGFUL BREATH.
Your brain wants to protect you from harm. That’s it’s job. So, when you are threatened in what your brain perceives as a “not safe” situation, it shoots cortisol through your body to signal that you need to take drastic action.
DON’T BELIEVE YOUR BRAIN. TELL YOUR BRAIN WHAT TO BELIEVE!
When you take a deep breath, you’re signaling to your brain that YOU ARE SAFE, even if it thinks that you are not.
Find a focal point, focus on it for a few seconds, and take a big breath… and release it.
FOR INDIVIDUALS: You could look at a photo that makes you happy and reminds you of why you work… take a deep breath… release.
FOR ATHLETES: Find a focus point wherever you’re competing that will not move for the rest of the game. For baseball players, it could be a spot in the dugout or on the foul pole. For tennis players, it could be a spot on the court. For basketball players, it could be a spot in the rafters.
Find the spot.
BREATHE.
Release.
STEP 4: VERBAL TRIGGER
Once you’ve flushed the situation, refocused with a breath and release, now it’s time to psych yourself back up in the present moment and move forward using a verbal trigger.
You could say something like:
- I’ve got this!
- I can only control what I can control!
- Next pitch!
- Next task!
- Bring it on!
- You can’t defeat me!
Whatever you say in order to set your focus on the next task at hand as well as motivate yourself to move forward with a clean slate, SAY IT!
ACTING CURES EVERYTHING
Former Cy Young winner Jake Arietta knew that he needed to act confidently even when he didn’t feel it.
Under the brim of his hat, he had the letters ACE. They stood for “Acting Cures Everything”. Here’s an interview he did with ESPN where he talked about the ACE acronym.
“’ACE’ is one of the acronyms I’ve used over the years. You weren’t promised to come to the ballpark and feel great on your start day. Basically, how can you put something on display to the opponent that gives the appearance of OK, this guy is locked in today’ whether you are or not. That’s a big piece of the puzzle that I’ve learned how to utilize” – Jake Arrieta (article here --- WARNING: This article is part of the body issue from ESPN, so you may see some Jake Arrieta butt. I warned you…)
Jake knew that, even if he didn’t FEEL confident, he needed to act confidently. Not only did it help him stay in a good frame of mind and trust his stuff, he knew that the opposition would rake him over the coals if they spotted a weakness in his mindset. If they knew he wasn’t confident, his opponents would use it to their advantage.
Jake built a solid mindset and acted confidently so his opponents didn’t have a chance of taking advantage of him!
I love that!
HOW DO I ACT CONFIDENTLY?
There are SO many ways to act confidently. Here are a few.
FRAMEWORK 1: THE SEPERATION IS IN YOUR PREPARATION
When it comes down to it, the more prepared you are, the more confident you’ll be, right?
To an extent, yes.
If you can’t execute while under pressure, though, all the preparation means nothing in your performance.
For instance, if a baseball player is knocking the ball everywhere during practice, but he has trouble performing in the game, there’s a mental issue at hand.
If a salesperson has a big presentation, has prepared all of the slides and also practiced his presentation several times, but he folds under the pressure, he may not be able to clearly communicate to his prospective clients.
You can prepare all you want, and you could probably fare pretty well. But if you can’t execute while under the pressure of competition like a championship game or a test for a promotion, your preparation won’t fully carry you through.
That’s why it’s very important to ACT confidently. In those moments, if you spend a lot of time in preparation, but you don’t act confidently, your preparation could go down the drain.
If you walk in ACTING confidently, you’ll become confident, you’ll be able to handle the pressure better, and your preparation will take over.
GEORGE ST PIERRE
I know this will be crazy for you to hear, but George St Pierre, one of the all-time greatest UFC fighters in the world, was scared to fight before his matches.
He was scared. Every fight he fought could end his career, or even his life.
But, he knew that, if he ACTED confidently and not scared, he could win.
Take a look at this video where he talks about how confidence is a choice and not a feeling.
If ACTING confidently works for George St Pierre and Jake Arrieta, then it will work for us too!
FRAMEWORK 2:REMEMBER WHAT YOUR GREEN LIGHT MINDSET LOOKS AND FEELS LIKE.
You know how you talk to yourself when everything’s going great.
You know what your body sensations are.
You know how your focus is when everything is going well.
ACT THIS WAY!
When you purposely start to act how you know you act when you’re at your best, your mindset will follow.
Here’s a quick meditation and mental imagery exercise you can do to get into your green light mindset.
Close your eyes, sit up with a dignified spine, and take a deep breath.
Breathe in for 6 seconds, hold for two seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds.
Repeat this two or three times.
Imagine a time in the past when you were in your green light mode.
Remember what physical sensations you were feeling. Re-live them, and enhance that feeling until you feel it with every fiber of your being.
Remember what words and phrases went through your mind while in your green light mode.
Start to talk to yourself.
Start saying those words and phrases.
Feel them energize your body.
Take a deep breath, release, open your eyes, and get to work!
FRAMEWORK 3: BUILD A CONFIDENCE RESUME
Just like you would hand in a resume for a job application, you can create one for yourself that will remind you of past wins you’ve had that will help you act confidently.
You have to remember that having a sense of PROGRESS is crucial to feeling confident and competent.
In order to have that sense, you must recognize how you’ve grown and progressed each day. Seeing your growth and how you’ve tackled problems in the past is crucial to help you realize that you can conquer challenges in the future too!
GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT FOR HOW FAR YOU’VE COME!
Track your wins and build yourself a confidence resume!
HERE ARE THE ITEMS YOU WANT TO TRACK THAT WILL HELP YOU KEEP YOUR CONFIDENCE RESUME UP TO DATE:
What awards and accomplishments have you achieved recently that shows a level of competence in your field or sport?
What books have you read recently that directly relate to the situation you’re facing? What did you learn from the book that relate to your confidence issue?
Have you taken any seminars recently? Have you taken any classes online? What experiences have you gone through that show that you can overcome anything?
Who can you turn to that you trust? Ask them what they’ve seen you go through lately. Sometimes we can’t see this ourselves, but our friends and family are watching.
When you’re lacking confidence, reread your answers and build your confidence back up!
CONCLUSION:
That was a lot of information! I encourage you to go back and read it slowly. I DEFINITELY encourage you to go through the exercises I’ve outlined for you so that you can ACT confidently.
Give yourself time to learn the information and get this mental skillset solidly into your daily routines.
It may not be easy at first, but practice makes perfect!
Remember, you may not feel confident, but you can ACT confidently!
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